The Selfie Situation

It's Friday and I'm expecting traffic to be it’s usual horrible self. I hurried home and skipped my usual gym session so I can squeeze some quality time with P before his dad picks him up for a before-the start-of –school-out-of-town weekend. I reached home extremely excited to play with my little boy that I switched off the car engine, swooped my bag, heels (I drove home in flip flops) and tumbler in one continuous, super efficient move, all-in-5-seconds. I was half-running half-balancing my stuff to the door ONLY to be greeted by a napping P on the couch. *face palm* Yaya said he has been asleep for just 2 minutes so this nap will be a while. *double face palm*

Feeling defeated, I went upstairs having a mental debate: to gym or not to gym. Ok, I'll leave for the gym now and just come back before 5pm. Hmmm. In Friday traffic?! Am I nuts? I removed my necklace, unlatched my wrist watch and replaced my bracelets in the dresser. My mind wanders as I gave my neck a good rub. Dang, that neckpiece was heavy! The price I have to pay for wearing a plain tank to work. A massage maybe? Nah, I’ll do that tomorrow. As I removed my ring and placed it on the table top, I saw P’s framed photo and an immensely brilliant idea slapped me awake from my mental reverie. Photo slideshow. Yes!

Damn post-lunch espresso… you good! *high 5-ing the friendly Starbucks barista in my head now*

Based on experience, I know I’d be spending another night tossing and turning (I usually can’t sleep on the first night without P in my bed -- boohoo), so I took my phones out of my bag and grabbed (and slightly dusted) my ipad from the drawer. Time to look for photos that I can upload in my laptop for a late-night slideshow presentation of Ps pics. I usually play this to relax me while I have a glass (or two or three) of Chianti at bedtime (only for no-P nights). Ahem, ahem… yes, friends…. the technophobe mommy knows how to make a slideshow presentation – with music! I am just a movie download away from being really high tech! * Smug smile and patting myself at the back *

I was going through photos in my ipad and I saw some funny Paco selfies.  That sneaky sneaky boy took selfies?! Hahaha! They were out-of-frame and in thermal mode (I made up the thermal thingy. I don’t really know what it’s called so I’ll just post the photos). Made me laugh out loud. I added them to my slideshow. I should make a collage too. 

Then I saw some mommy-&-P selfies (what do you call selfies made by 2 people again?) They were horrible. P and I didn’t know where to look and we weren’t even smiling. Why can’t we do proper selfies?

I’ve never been a fan of the selfie mostly because I take horrible shots of myself. I have friends who can smile NATURALLY, look at the lens and not the screen, and the headshot will still be within the frame. Sounds simple enough but why couldn’t I do it?

Here’s a sample of one of 3 selfies I posted online. I was stuck in 2 hour traffic and was so bored I took a couple… no… a lot of selfies. Just saying this is seriously making my ears hot. Anyhow, I was afraid the other motorists would see what I was doing so I positioned the phone really low (like knee level) and after excruciatingly long minutes of angle-checking, I smile. Well, that's the only smile I can manage. I was on the fence if I should post the best shot on Facebook (trust me, this was the best shot). Well, I did. How brave, right?  

Here’s my very unprofessional and highly unreliable analysis on why I can’t take a proper selfie.

The smile.

My selfie smiles always look fake and awkward. I get too self-conscious. I mean, people are going to know you’re smiling at your phone when you took the photo right? Isn’t that kinda weird? 

Where to look.

I don’t know if I should look at the tiny lens or check the screen to see if my dumbo ears are still within frame. This doesn’t help with the smile too. How can you smile when you’re busy checking if your headshot is off-center or not? If I look at the camera, my face is always off-center. If I look at the screen, well… then I would have a well-framed photo -- of me looking down. Oof.

The frame.

I don’t know if my head is too big or if the phone is too small. Or my arms aren’t long enough to hold the phone at a decent distance for a headshot within the tiny square. So tricky! It may be a physiological issue. Tsk tsk tsk... I blame genetics.

Skills, man. Skills.

Selfies require multitasking skills, serious hand-eye coordination, a good aim, and a tough jaw for a well-practiced smile. After a quick assessment, I could safely say I’m a 0 out of 4. No wonder my photos always come out wonky, awkward, off-center and just plain bad.

The only good selfies I take are the ones when P and I act silly. Maybe I shouldn’t be too serious about selfies. 

My fave selfie series with the birthday boy. :)

The solution.

Yoga.
My yoga teacher would always remind me to let go and to allow myself to love me (and focus on just me) for 90-minutes a day. He would always catch me looking at someone else, checking if I’m doing my stance correctly. Oof. May seem absurd but I really think yoga is the answer to great selfies.

Yoga stretches your tight arm muscles so you can move the phone far enough to take a decent shot.

Yoga 'imposes' 90 minutes of self-love where you focus on no one else but yourself. That will fix the awkward smile. And if you’re confident about your smile you can focus on getting your head within the frame.

Focus is key too and yoga does a great job in improving focus.

So yes, I will go to the studio tomorrow so I can get my 90-minutes of amazing selfie skills lesson.

Yoga and selfies—who would’ve thunk!  

Since I know my areas for improvement, let's see if I can take a decent selfie now. I'll use my laptop cam.

...

...

Why am I suddenly nervous?!?! Lol

Ok, so I didn't know the cam works with a timer. Oof.
 I felt I had time to adjust so I can fit in the frame...but no!
Selfie fail.

Let's try this again....

Lost a quarter of my head...awkward smile (but at LEAST a smile!)
and I'm still not looking at the camera. * face palm *

Ok, so selfies aren't my thing. Acceptance is key. 

But my resolve to go back to yoga hasn't wavered. 

I will not give up. My next selfie post will be decent and by then you'd know, I've started to let go and have been regularly practicing 90-minutes of focus and self-love. 

Namaste.