July 1st

Sleepless.
Was I too excited / too anxious to sleep?!

Wore pants instead of the usual dress.
I want to look extra grown up today.
Black. Black is grown up.
Makeup. Heels.

3:15am.
Too early. Drat!

First person I met was nice.
She said I looked like I was in my twenties though.
Wear heavier eye makeup tomorrow.

Site tour.
Snaps for wearing 2-inch heels and not the 3.
Meet & greet. A lot of hand shaking.
Firm hand shake -- fail. Too sleepy.
Just smile. I can still smile.
Introductions. Names. Names!
Must check org chart with headshots before I leave.

5am.
I can do this.
Must. Not. Sleep.

6:05am. I give in.
Tall americano with 2 pumps of vanilla.
Oatmeal raisin cookie.
I can REALLY do this.
Caffeine-free project down the drain though. Sigh.

10:40am
Hungry.
Left my fruit bowl at home. Aargh!
McDonalds? KFC? That's it?!
Ugh. Forget it.

Get water bottle in the car.
Rehydrate.

Work some more.
Email. Notes. To do's.

11:07am.
Walk this off.

Email.
Draft letters.
Print! Yay! I get to walk again.

12:15pm.
Boo-yeah! Day 1 done.

I'm back night walkers!
Now, where to eat?
Time to call Mish.

An Evening of Adult TV

I don't get to watch TV... adult TV that is. Wait. Not porn. Oh dear, not porn. Grown up TV. Shows that do not involve talking animals or people who sing and dance every 2 minutes. Shows that regular people over the age of 10 watch. That kind of TV.

You see, I pay for cable so I can ignore the other channels and just watch Disney Junior with my son. Every. Single. Day. Yes. I am complaining. But today, after an afternoon at the mall, I made a bold move. I told my toddler that mommy will watch her TV show downstairs while he watches Disney Junior upstairs. It may have been because I fed him shabu-shabu three times this week or he was in such a good mood that it only took us 2 minutes to find the car in the parking lot today but for whatever reason my sweet boy said "okay." HE SAID "OKAY!" Oh God bless you, my little one!

I turn the TV on and change the channel (from Disney Junior) to HBO. I still remember the channel...thank you my not-so-short-term memory for not failing me this time.

JERRY MAGUIRE.

My heart starts to pound. Could it really be just about to start? Ooh this is so my day! A movie on HBO that I can actually watch from beginning to end. Someone pinch me.

Then I see her...Dorothy Boyd. Single mom with a little boy named Ray. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. I feel a tinge of fear build up. Not the kind of movie I want to watch now. I've seen this movie before. I know how this ends. Mush fest. Can I handle this?

Well, maybe if I watch it this time, I'll pick something up other than "You had me at hello" and "You complete me." Doubtful, I pick up the remote, aiming to channel surf. Nah. How often do you get to actually start a movie on HBO? Never, right? This was fate. I put the remote down and make myself some tea. Oh, this is going to be great.

Then I meet her. Laurel, Dorothy’s disapproving sister. She opens her mouth and sarcasm just fires out like bullets. I fall in love. She is now my new favourite Jerry-Maguire-character.

Her killer lines hit me strong. Oof.

"Dorothy, this is not a guy. It's a syndrome. Early mid-life. Hanging on to the bottom rung." -- Fair warning. Where was she when I was dating? Lol.

“Don't cry at the beginning of the date. Cry in the end, like I do.” – Such wit! How charming!

“You fuck this up, I’ll kill you.” – How can you not love her?

But Dorothy Boyd had her moment too. This was hers for me:

“I've had three lovers in the past four years, and they all ran a distant second to a good book and a warm bath.” – Nyikes! Okay. I admit. That got my blood pressure up a bit. Scary.

Not that I WANT to date again. Pfft.

Then Rod Tidwell says something magical. Let me paraphrase…

“First of all, single mothers don’t date. They don’t date. They’ve been to the circus. You know what I mean? They’ve been to the puppet show and they’ve seen the strings…. Single mother man, that’s a sacred thing.”

Wow. That got me. It’s true how a single mother can never really date again. It’s like watching a movie after you’ve read the book. No more surprises. The frills won’t thrill because you know what’s going to happen next. It’s really no fun when the mystery’s gone. So yeah, I guess I can never really date again. Kinda sad. But that’s fate. Time to drink some more tea. The pinot grigio in the fridge seems extra tempting. I fight the urge. Breathe. Okay. Time for some perspective.

I may not have the blissful, rose-colored kind of happiness but I have the peaceful, quiet kind. I’ve had bliss. It was nice. Short-lived but nice. Then it was followed by chaos. Not nice and not so short-lived. Then finally, peace. Beautiful, quiet, tranquil peace. The healthy nourishing kind and not the dead kind. **knocks on wood for good measure** The quiet kind of happy that still enlivens and still excites. Yes, I DO look forward to the future and I have big plans for me and my little love. The future excites me. Dating… not so much. But I guess that’s why they make Jerry-Maguire-movies, so single moms can date vicariously through the Dorothy Boyds. I’ll make sure to pour me a pinot grigio next time though. A chick flick paired with a good white is always a good idea.

Food Love

Contrary to popular belief…I eat.

I also cook. And I don’t mean fried eggs and toast. I REALLY cook. Mostly chicken dishes. Not a big fan of pork but I'll do fish and beef for variety, mostly for my lil P. Something about the smell of pork turns me off. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE lechon. Puzzling. I know. I just won't do heated yoga after I eat it or my extremely sensitive olfactory system will go bonkers.

So let me share what I made this morning. Pan-seared tomatoes with cream cheese, truffle oil and basil. I usually use green tomatoes but I only had the ripe ones in my fridge. No biggie. Dish takes 3 minutes to make perfect for busy mommies and a good first dish to try for those of you who fear to venture into the kitchen.  Easy as pie. No. Way easier.

Let's begin.

Wash your green tomatoes. Cut them in half, crosswise. I remove the seeds but you can keep them if you want. Lightly coat your pan with olive oil and put the halved tomatoes (cut face down) and sear. Once you get a nice char, remove from heat and top the tomatoes off with cream cheese. Sprinkle with dried basil (you can use chopped fresh basil too) and add a drop or two of white truffle oil. Put them in a sealed container and pack them with your fruit cup and yogurt, and you’re ready for your early morning car picnic. I've been breaking my fast in the car since P started summer school. Packed me some vanilla-infused black tea too. Yep, no coffee. I've been TRYING to cut my caffeine intake. I'll tell you about that next week...that is if I'm sane enough to keep blogging without my barako. I finished my fruits and ate most of my tomato stash by the time I got to Paco’s school. Saved some tomatoes for my friend Mish... because I'm sweet like that. Lol.

Mish and I met up for a working breakfast at Coffee Bean. She ordered coffee and a bagel and paired them with my tomatoes. What a smart cheapskate! Hahaha! Love you, BFF.

I, on the other hand, felt extra indulgent. I ordered turtle pie. ORGASMIC! Come on. How could you go wrong with dark chocolate and caramel pecans? Worth trying. The Sugarhouse turtle pie is still numero uno on my list but this is a close second. Mish, captured my first bite and  laughed uncontrollably when she saw my reaction. Eye-rollingly good. Yeah… I guess I don’t need a man as long as I have dark chocolate. :P

Picked P up from school and headed to Ortigas after to try Casa Marcos.

We ordered the gambas (lots of garlic...very very good), the chorizo combo (also good but could use a little kick) and their paella valenciana (a rice-lover's heaven). The paella was excellent, moist but still had the burnt 'tutong' part (super fave), you could tell it was slow cooked from the way the flavours married. Oh and the generous toppings! Ooh la la! They didn't scrimp on the shrimps (Paco loves shrimps so he had his fill -- yay) and crab pieces (Mish loved these). I looked for chicken of course and wished they had chunkier pieces but overall, it was a delish and hearty lunch. I definitely had an orange vibe from all the paprika I consumed. We ended the meal with their pandesal pudding ala mode -- yum! Warning though, get ready for some serious carb-induced food coma after.

Okay, I should stop talking about food at night. Torture. So there. Probably my last blog about food... unless I find a way to write in the morning. Sigh.

How the Bs Saved my Monday

Mondays are always difficult. I'm sure most of you can relate. But my recent Monday was just HORRIBLE. Imagine starting your morning with a screaming, crying toddler. Yep, I was halfway through slicing my calamansi fruits for squeezing when I heard a scuffle and a panic-stricken "MOM-EEEH!!". This was quickly followed by crying...a lot of crying. Two and a half hours worth of crying! Nope, not an exaggeration. My little angel (I'm calling him that NOW to make up for what I really thought of him THEN) cried from 6:15 to roughly around 8:45am. It was probably a bit longer. Sigh.

I tried every trick in my not-so-thick book of How-To-Be-A-Mommy for dummies. I did the calm, doting, hug-him-while-talking route. Didn't work. I put on my best I-mean-business mommy face on as I explained why he had to get ready for school. Didn't budge. I did the silent treatment. Only made him scream out louder. I changed the topic. Made it worse -- he now cried "Go back to sleep. I'm still sleepy!" and "I want gummy worms. Gummy worms are my favourite!" Ugh. I was failing miserably. This hasn't happened before. I was desperately thinking of ways to calm him down. What to do? What to do? WHAT TO DO?!

He eventually stopped crying. His eyes were red and puffy. He was exhausted and sweaty. We had to give him water during and after his fit to calm him down.

I eventually quit trying. My eyes were red and puffy (yes, I cried **face palm**). 

I was exasperated and hungry. I had to drink coffee to calm me down.

I felt horrible. A failure. A bad mom. How could I let this happen?! He missed summer class for this! Ugh. It still stings when I think about it.

I needed Mishy. My super single-mom friend to not just one, but two kids! Whoah! Yes, she's amazing. We fondly call each other BFF (Yes, it sounds juvenile. Crucify me.) I thought of giving her a call but quickly thought better of it. I had a 10am meeting and I was running late. Calling her from the car seemed a better idea. That didn't happen. I got busy putting makeup on. Oops. Well, traffic was bad so it wasn't really that hard. Ok fine. My bad. Don't do that please. Sorry. **second face palm** I saw Mish at the 10am meeting and told her about my horrific morning. Venting helped. She just smiled and shared her own story of manic mornings with her kids. I felt better. I wasn't alone. Mishy was also a bad mom...hah...just kidding Mish!

We went to a pho place for lunch. I ordered a simple salad with some grilled chicken and guess what...they messed my order up. I LIKED this pho place. I would usually order something more complicated here ...like a real entree...and the one time I order a salad...?!?!...woozah. Mish was there to the rescue. She suggested we get some bubble tea. Sounded lame at the time. I wasn't convinced but I was too frustrated and hungry to argue. **Sure, drink your calories, Velvet...that should do the trick.** Well it did. Told you. Mish IS amazing.

Now it's time to get some real work done. We were anxiously waiting for the elevator when lo and behold... a bright burst of colour hits us. A guy with a big bunch of candy-colored balloons was about to step out. I gave out a loud "WOW" (I couldn't help it...the balloons were too pretty). That kinda stunned him. I honestly think my extra-dilated eyes scared him a bit because he almost instantly offered the balloons to me. Of course, I almost instantly ACCEPTED. Weee! Balloons for P! Oh how happy he'd be! The guy said he was about to throw them out. (What?!?! Why?!?!? How could he do such a thing?!?!?)

So Mish and I made a quick detour to the parking lot and it took us a good 3 minutes to stuff all the balloons in the back seat of my tiny car. 

Happy!!!

I was rejuvenated.

Thanks to barako, my BFF, bubble tea and balloons.

Monday saved.

Fighting the Urge to Blog

The Battle between Blogging and Sleeping started around 10pm last night. 

Sleep won... around 2am. 

Fail.

I Shower with an Alien

Noticed some things in the house today that I think my friends who knew me pre-Paco would find weird. You see, I have a reputation... a good one (if I may say) that some may consider borderline crazy. I was clean and organized... I still am...but Iwas VERY clean and organized. A hybrid of Monica Geller for cleanliness and Sheldon Cooper for organization. I hope you're old enough to recognize my reference to Friends and geeky-witty to know The Big Bang Theory to get what I'm saying.

Anyhow, during my un-princessification years, I rented a small condo unit and lived on my own. It was tough especially for someone who never really did chores and had a yaya clean up after her all the time. But I kept that unit spotless and cleaned my bathroom with a toothbrush -- yes, literally with a toothbrush. I had the best cleaning products and my weekends were well spent cleaning, studying (I was taking my masters then), drinking, and cleaning... and drinking. I was a neat freak...and an alcoholic. But take note of the was a neat freak. The alcoholic part is a different story. Let's not wander into my love for alcohol just yet and let me get back to my point. I still have a penchant for cleanliness and order BUT I'm not as bad anymore. **I can so see my friends rolling their eyes.** But, really!

There's a green alien sticker on my bathroom wall (that I've been dying to remove) and I've been taking showers with this 4-legged monster for the past 7 months now!!! Hah! Bet that shut you up.

It's actually 7 months and 3 weeks but who's counting.

Wait... there's more.

I would never, in my wildest dreams, think of suction-cup-mounting stuffed Mike Wazowski and Sully toys on my bathroom mirror to make toothbrush time more entertaining. Never thought I'd add a child-sized lime green chair as an accent to my mocha and burgundy living room just because that was Paco's favourite colour. He now likes red. Red would've worked. Drat. I never had to check my bed for rockets or toy planes or robots before, but I diligently do that now if I don't want nasty back bruises or worse, a toddler crying over a broken toy. My son rarely leaves them on my bed now but you can never be too careful.

My point is, motherhood changes you. DUH! Well, it does. It makes you less critical and more forgiving. There will be times when you can't make the bed and you have to leave the house with some dirty dishes in the sink. I've learned to let go and accept that I can't do everything no matter how early I wake up or how fast I move.

Being a parent liberates you from self-imposed standards of order. Things spill. And they stain. Yup, they stain.

Sigh.

I still dream of stylish cream-colored couches and a real coffee table -- the one with the dangerous pointed edges. And glass. And ceramic. And crystal. Oh, how I miss having things that break! But for now, dark chocolate brown in not-so-absorbent fabric would do. In fact, my child-proofed table of framed photos look extra nice with Bumblebee and Megatron and the occasional lego rocket ship.But hey, I'm not complaining.

I would never choose a clutter-free house over my brown-burgundy-and-lime-green-coloured, alien-infested home filled with Paco's laughter, hugs and kisses. In fact, I embrace the new me and I like the new look I have for my home -- I call it shabby, messy, chic. It can be a bit messy but messy means I'm a mommy to a wonderful playful little boy. And that, my friends, makes me very very happy.

Lime and Coconut Mornings

Woke up feeling extra bleh today. The kind of bleh that regular coffee can't fix. Maybe a night run can cure it but it's too early in the day to even consider it a timely remedy. I peel myself off the bed. My room is extremely cold today and my toddler is complaining  about the cold. I get back in and hug my lil P and bury our cold bodies in our monster comforter. Snug. Very snug. P always does that to me. His hugs just make everything nice and cozy. I doze off again.

I wake up in a slight panic because I'm hungry. I can't wake up hungry. CANNOT. It's absolute torture. Self-imposed of course. You see, I have this crazy morning routine I call my lime and coconut habit. I have been doing this for a couple of months now and I absolutely swear by it! My dad and coworkers can attest to my almost daily battle with the sniffles (I have terrible allergic rhinitis) and monthly bouts with the common flu. But since I started my lime and coconut habit, I haven't gotten sick in months! **I am doing cartwheels in my head now** It truly is amazing! So how do I do it? Brace yourself.

Every morning, I get 10 pieces of calamansi, a citrus fruit found in the Philippines that is sour. Really sour. It's a small round lime that's a bit bigger than a marble. I'll add pictures to make things easier for everyone. I squeeze the juice of 10 calamansi fruits in my morning mug. I take the seeds out and drink the juice. Those of you familiar with calamansi are probably thinking...'she drank what?!' Yep, I take a daily shot of calamansi juice in its purest, face-distorting sour goodness. I pour about half a glass of lukewarm water in the recently emptied mug and drink. Take note: drink the water AFTER you take the shot of the juice. The juice is alkaline and helps keep the level of acid in your body in check. Or something like that. I just know acid is bad for us. So there. Haha. Sorry.

I would then set my alarm for an hour and head over to my cupboard to get my extra virgin coconut oil bottle. I pour myself a teaspoon and I start swishing. Like a mouthwash, I swish the coconut oil in my mouth for 20 minutes. I set another alarm for this. I make sure not to ingest any of this oil because firstly, it's oil (duh-huh) and secondly, it will be filled with toxins. The lauric acid in the oil apparently pulls the toxins from your mouth. Its said that sunflower oil is a better alternative but it's easier to get coconut oil here that's why I use coconut. I spit the oil in the trash (not the sink unless you want the plumber to pay you a visit) then I gargle with warm water and rock salt. I was told that pink himalayan salt is better. I'll get me some next time. I saw a huge jar in S&R but it was way too big. I brush my teeth after (I use a different toothbrush for oil pulling) and wait for about 40 more minutes for my 'lime alarm' to set off before I get some breakfast. Sounds crazy? It did feel kinda crazy when I first started doing it but crazy done daily becomes the new normal after a while. But this is the good kind of crazy you want in your life. Trust me, I know about crazy.

So what do I do while I oil pull for 20 minutes? A lot! I'm a mom. Twenty minutes is like 2 seconds in mom years. I usually fix breakfast and shower. My alarm usually goes off while I condition my hair so I end up swishing longer. Not a problem. By the time I'm dressed and halfway through blow drying my hair, my 'lime alarm' goes off. I eat a hearty breakfast then head out the door for another packed day of driving and errands.

So yes, that's my usual morning. I just had to blog about the 'lime and coconut habit' because I believe it kissed my chronic rudolph-the-red-nosed-look goodbye. It might help you too. Just a friendly tip from one stranger to another.

You might be wondering if I still felt 'bleh' after my morning routine. Of course. It's good but not magical. However, the combination of blogging, a warm slice of Ovn raisin bread and a strong cup of barako coffee is. It sent my 'bleh' a-flying.

A Hormonal Drive

Collide

I cried to a Howie Day song today.

Embarrassing, but this is my journal (sarcastic journal of sorts, remember?!) and I can be palm-on-face-red-in-the-ears honest. You probably guessed it right too, it was 'Collide.'

I was driving to do errands after I dropped my son off at school when the song began to play on my Spotify playlist. Yes, even mommies have Spotify!

I sing along.

The dawn is breaking / A light shining through / You're barely waking / And I'm tangled up in you

Sigh.

I keep singing. Then the chorus starts. I sing louder.

Even the best fall down sometimes / Even the wrong words seem to rhyme /Out of the doubt that fills my mind / I somehow find / You and I collide

Sigh. Sigh. Wait. Am I tearing up?!?!?!

Geez... the way he sings about this girl! It's unreal. But it happens I guess. Happened to some friends. Happened to my mom and dad. Happened to me. NAH. Happened to my mom and dad...

Sigh.

Realizing the dangerous path I'm treading, I quickly shrugged this off and blamed it on my HORMONES. I don't need a guy to feel this way about me. I have a little man who means the world to me and I to him. That's what matters. Right? Of course! I'm too old for the L word anyway. I'm too busy raising my boy for all that mush.

I taste BITTERNESS. Something I don't typically enjoy. I quickly changed my playlist to 'Today's Top Hits' and instantly cringe at the 'dirty lyrics.' I found myself bobbing to the beat. Nothing like nonsensical music to drown out the drama. Nice. And just like that, I felt better.

Later today, in the ladies room after dance class at the gym, I confirmed it.

I was, and still am, hormonal.

Sigh. Everything is right in the world again...as long as I stick with Today's Top Hits that is.

Here goes blogging...

Hello there, stranger!

My first post and first attempt at being a blogger. The first impression is crucial so I will be witty and interesting.

...

...

It's 7:27am and I just spent the last half hour trying to update my profile and choose a theme for this blog. So sorry...I can't be witty and interesting.

Let me start by introducing myself instead so you know what you're getting into.

My name is Velvet -- yes, that's my real name -- and I'm 35. These 2 digits still haunt me and I've been 35 for about 2 months now. I am a mom to an adorable 4 year old. I raise him alone as I try to get myself un-married. Man...typing that last statement was extremely liberating although I can feel trouble and mania coming very soon. Yikes! **Velvet, what would you do if you weren't afraid?** I'll explain the **question** someday.

I don't get much sleep mostly because my brain refuses to. It would rehash the day's events (if I'm unlucky...agonizing milestone flashbacks) and I would lie awake reliving it, often playing a much better version. This doesn't happen daily (thank God) but it happens often enough.

Nothing interesting about me really.
Just an average mom, with an okay job (I start working again in 2 weeks) and a pretty routine schedule. I travel to unwind, mostly backpack when I travel without my little love, but I am always game for a good adventure... a hike, a weekend trip to the beach (love love love) or a nice dive to visit my underwater home. I have lived a pretty crazy life for someone who grew up extremely sheltered but I probably won't blog about that. I'm a living dichotomy of saint and sinner. Struggling to stay a saint of course. Ugh...this intro will not work without coffee. I'll take a shot at this again but for now, I need to go to the kitchen and squeeze 10 pieces of calamansi for my morning alkaline shot before my daily oil pulling. Hmm...maybe I'll blog about that tomorrow.