Womanity

Pinterest just gets me...all the time! ;)

Back in the day, when I didn’t use a hyphen to spell my name, I thought that being a wife and a mother would make me a complete woman. I thought that THAT was the missing piece and once I become a wife and mother, I’d be happy… and complete. So I waited. And waited.  And waited for the right man to come my way. He would marry me and give me a child and we would have a happy family. Such bliss! Tsk tsk tsk. If only I can go back in time, I’d give the past me a good slap and a lengthy lecture on the realities of life and perception of self-worth. If only…

I got married at a ripe age of 31. I figured, marrying young was a sure way to screw things up so needless to say, I took my time. Well, at least now I know I could've been 60 and still fail. I dated and kissed a lot of frogs (8 in total) hoping each time that my frog would magically turn into a prince. Well, no such transformation took place. They weren’t frogs to begin with and I was no princess either. I was never really afraid of NOT finding the one. I would get anxious at times but deep down I had this strange confidence about me. Like I somehow knew HE was out there. Yup, my own fairy tale prince. I know. An ice bucket challenge would've done me some good back then. But I had a list. A checklist of key things to look for in a partner. They were pretty standard although some items were down right funny but there was practical logic behind them. I'll share them in my Top 10 list next time just for laughs.

Believe it or not… I did not use my 'fool-proof list' in evaluating boyfriend #8 – also known as 'the One.' Not his fault. It was mine. I got married after just months of dating him. Lesson learned -- in a whirlwind romance the list gets lost in the twister. The wind took the list away and made me believe I did not need it. I felt this was it and list or no list, I would make it work. I HAVE to make it work. I enjoyed the breeze – well until the breeze got too strong and blew me away. Sigh. But a list does not guarantee a good marriage either. A great partnership and love and mutual respect and prayers -- a lot of prayers...hopefully done together -- might make things work. That's a theory I have yet to prove but I have a pretty good feeling about it. Oh and not jumping into it...yeah. Definitely a long engagement. Paging my daddy. I hope he reads my blog! :)  

I also learned that motherhood does not make you a woman either. It changes you and makes you a better person. Yes. But it doesn't make you a woman. Being a wife and having a partner doesn’t complete you either. Nope, sometimes, if you're unlucky, it even breaks you. Having a career doesn’t guarantee success. It can pay your bills and buy you stuff but I think success is more about a sense of fulfillment. Blogging isn't my career but I find so much fulfillment in doing this. Yay! Who would've thunk! A degree will not make you wiser and having great role models does not guarantee you'll inherit their wedded bliss either.  

The 35-year old me now believes that womanity is about finding strength in perceived weakness. Resilience with gentleness and grace. It's having the resolve to regain what was lost. Getting your heart broken and healing and moving on. It is about having scars and wearing them with pride being grateful for the constant reminders that what was once broken gets stronger when it mends. It’s about loving fearlessly and unconditionally. Womanity is about accepting your faults. Having the courage and humility to admit you screwed up; the courage to face the consequences; and the strength to make things right. It’s about independence. Earning your keep and being the best at what you do, regardless of its complexity. It’s about sharpening the saw despite your age or how dull you perceive you have gotten. It’s loving the fat in your body, embracing your double A bra-size, looking at your wrinkles and thinking you look wiser with them. It's loving yourself enough to treat your body with respect by eating right and keeping it healthy. It's believing that sexy is a state of mind and that you are beautiful because you simply are. Womanity is empowerment. It’s finding peace in a chaotic imperfect world. It’s choosing happiness in spite of seemingly unfortunate circumstances. 

I may stand a quarter of an inch below the 5 foot mark, look 22, to some 16, or even 12 in gym clothes, but I am a woman and I embrace my womanity. I may not have come full circle yet but I know I'm getting there. 

Jem and Womanity

A big hug to my friend Jem for introducing me to the word WOMANITY and helping me reflect on its essence. You are even more beautiful now, dear. Your pain makes your smile sweeter and your struggles make you stronger. I love you and your pursuit for true beauty. Mish and I are here for you...always. BIOMAN forever! :P

Womanity: Pursuing True Beauty

by JCI Makati, Princess Urduja Chapter

August 30, 9am-4pm

3/F CCF A. Venue Mall, Makati

Proceeds of the event will be used in providing free therapy and support to women and children of the City of Makati and the Women’s Crises Center in Quezon City