Womanity

Pinterest just gets me...all the time! ;)

Back in the day, when I didn’t use a hyphen to spell my name, I thought that being a wife and a mother would make me a complete woman. I thought that THAT was the missing piece and once I become a wife and mother, I’d be happy… and complete. So I waited. And waited.  And waited for the right man to come my way. He would marry me and give me a child and we would have a happy family. Such bliss! Tsk tsk tsk. If only I can go back in time, I’d give the past me a good slap and a lengthy lecture on the realities of life and perception of self-worth. If only…

I got married at a ripe age of 31. I figured, marrying young was a sure way to screw things up so needless to say, I took my time. Well, at least now I know I could've been 60 and still fail. I dated and kissed a lot of frogs (8 in total) hoping each time that my frog would magically turn into a prince. Well, no such transformation took place. They weren’t frogs to begin with and I was no princess either. I was never really afraid of NOT finding the one. I would get anxious at times but deep down I had this strange confidence about me. Like I somehow knew HE was out there. Yup, my own fairy tale prince. I know. An ice bucket challenge would've done me some good back then. But I had a list. A checklist of key things to look for in a partner. They were pretty standard although some items were down right funny but there was practical logic behind them. I'll share them in my Top 10 list next time just for laughs.

Believe it or not… I did not use my 'fool-proof list' in evaluating boyfriend #8 – also known as 'the One.' Not his fault. It was mine. I got married after just months of dating him. Lesson learned -- in a whirlwind romance the list gets lost in the twister. The wind took the list away and made me believe I did not need it. I felt this was it and list or no list, I would make it work. I HAVE to make it work. I enjoyed the breeze – well until the breeze got too strong and blew me away. Sigh. But a list does not guarantee a good marriage either. A great partnership and love and mutual respect and prayers -- a lot of prayers...hopefully done together -- might make things work. That's a theory I have yet to prove but I have a pretty good feeling about it. Oh and not jumping into it...yeah. Definitely a long engagement. Paging my daddy. I hope he reads my blog! :)  

I also learned that motherhood does not make you a woman either. It changes you and makes you a better person. Yes. But it doesn't make you a woman. Being a wife and having a partner doesn’t complete you either. Nope, sometimes, if you're unlucky, it even breaks you. Having a career doesn’t guarantee success. It can pay your bills and buy you stuff but I think success is more about a sense of fulfillment. Blogging isn't my career but I find so much fulfillment in doing this. Yay! Who would've thunk! A degree will not make you wiser and having great role models does not guarantee you'll inherit their wedded bliss either.  

The 35-year old me now believes that womanity is about finding strength in perceived weakness. Resilience with gentleness and grace. It's having the resolve to regain what was lost. Getting your heart broken and healing and moving on. It is about having scars and wearing them with pride being grateful for the constant reminders that what was once broken gets stronger when it mends. It’s about loving fearlessly and unconditionally. Womanity is about accepting your faults. Having the courage and humility to admit you screwed up; the courage to face the consequences; and the strength to make things right. It’s about independence. Earning your keep and being the best at what you do, regardless of its complexity. It’s about sharpening the saw despite your age or how dull you perceive you have gotten. It’s loving the fat in your body, embracing your double A bra-size, looking at your wrinkles and thinking you look wiser with them. It's loving yourself enough to treat your body with respect by eating right and keeping it healthy. It's believing that sexy is a state of mind and that you are beautiful because you simply are. Womanity is empowerment. It’s finding peace in a chaotic imperfect world. It’s choosing happiness in spite of seemingly unfortunate circumstances. 

I may stand a quarter of an inch below the 5 foot mark, look 22, to some 16, or even 12 in gym clothes, but I am a woman and I embrace my womanity. I may not have come full circle yet but I know I'm getting there. 

Jem and Womanity

A big hug to my friend Jem for introducing me to the word WOMANITY and helping me reflect on its essence. You are even more beautiful now, dear. Your pain makes your smile sweeter and your struggles make you stronger. I love you and your pursuit for true beauty. Mish and I are here for you...always. BIOMAN forever! :P

Womanity: Pursuing True Beauty

by JCI Makati, Princess Urduja Chapter

August 30, 9am-4pm

3/F CCF A. Venue Mall, Makati

Proceeds of the event will be used in providing free therapy and support to women and children of the City of Makati and the Women’s Crises Center in Quezon City

My 365-Day Journey to Mommy Abs Part 2: Day 41

Hello there! It’s been a while since my last post. Sorry, it’s been crazy busy. But I am happy and excited to report my progress after 41 days of small (and quite frequent) diet fails and big exercise and fitness victories. The eating part is really the challenge. The exercise is the fun part for me.

I was asked to post some ‘before’ photos (eep) so I’ll indulge. I’ll even add a photo taken December of last year when P and I went to Jakarta for our safari adventure Part 2. We had so much fun! P was in a schizo-funny mix fix of pure delight and absolute terror during our animal-feeding adventure. My BFF, whom I fondly call Sissy, posted some of our photos on Facebook. As I excitedly checked the photos she posted, I became more and more aware of the truth that stared right back at me -- I have lost my abs and my gut was showing. I wasn’t even ‘heavy looking’ back then but my midsection slapped me awake from my exercise-free fairy tale of a life. So March of this year, I decided it was time to make a change. I went back to the gym and made time to train regularly (3 times a week).

 

December 2013, Taman Safari
The photo that made me go... "Oh no."

I also took a month and a half long sabbatical from work and spent this time sharpening the saw. I focused on my son and on self-improvement. I went to the gym, cooked, did a bit of local backpack travelling, spent a lot of time with my little boy, had LASIK surgery and I started to rekindle my love for writing by blogging. I went from having a muffin top to getting barely-there abs. Happy.

 

During my sabbatical
Slimmer and smaller waist. Sigh.
No use crying over spilled milk.

The Wedding Workout (got this from Pinterest)
It's on my fridge door and I used to do this after my lime and coconut habit
in the morning on my non-gym days, just before taking a shower.

Then I started work and that meant waking up at 2 am, having a confused body clock, skipping gym, not doing my wedding workout (my early morning, 20-minute, before shower exercise routine on my non-gym days) and having a grand time trying out all the restaurants near the office. I went from barely-there abs to a ‘my-gut-is-showing-must-wear-loose-tee’ midsection. From a 39.1kg, 19.8% fat percentage and a body mass index of 17.1 … I became a 40 kg, 21.4% fat percentage, 17.8 BMI and a waistline of 26.5 inches. Not bad, considering the amount of food I consumed. I know. Everyday I thank God for blessing me with genes that have a faster-than-average metabolism and a blog that constantly reminded me that I was on my journey to getting Anne Curtis abs. But I know that if I'm not careful, I'll end up with a bigger midsection and I'd kiss my dream of mommy abs goodbye. 

 

post-workout photo
21.4% fat percentage
17.8 BMI
waist: 26.5 inches

This thingamajig is what my trainer used to get my fat percentage and BMI.
He did a bit of math on paper too.
He took into account my age, height and weight and we did this before my workout.

After weeks of regular weight training with a personal trainer, a promising yoga practice and a daily lunch box of fruits and veggies, I lost some water weight, got stronger (my trainer and I can attest to my renewed abs and overall strength) and I trimmed my midsection by half an inch already. A small victory but I love celebrating small victories.  My waistline is now 26 inches and I’m back to wearing my tight shirts. I know I can slim this down to 25. I know I can. I will.

 

Taken yesterday after my post-workout dinner of fruits and veggies
Half-an inch trimmer in the tummy area...celebrate small victories! =)

I also indulge. Eep. I still eat chocolate more often than I’d like to admit. I just had a 500 g steak and mashed potatoes with Mishy last Friday with a Frey’s dark chocolate, lemon and pepper bar and a glass of wine to boot because I was feeling extra bleh. I later learned that I was surfing the crimson wave and was extremely hormonal, which explained my wild red-meat and dark chocolate food cravings. I also had 3 J Co coco loco donuts last week not in one go but still… I know… carbs and sugar galore! I went on a coffee date with Mishy yesterday and we split a grande drip and a salted caramel double chocolate cookie. Yup, we are such cheapskates! We split the coffee and the cookie to save on cash and calories. Hahaha! Single moms can be savvy like that.

 

Myron's 500g Angus Steak

The best PMS medicine

Me and Mish at Myron's
She won't do yoga with me because she CLAIMS
she can't stay in a hot room and NOT TALK for 90 minutes!
I think she can take the heat but the 'no talking' part would really be a challenge. Lol

I eat healthy on most days. I win 5 out 7 so I celebrate grandly on my cheat days…yes I choose to have 2 cheat days and not just 1. But I’m sticking to my routine of yoga and weight training and the occasional dance class. I also recently signed up for a 6.6k run and I’m really psyched! I feel great and my midsection’s a lot tighter. Weight training has improved my overall physicality and yoga has given me a straighter back and a clearer, calmer mind set. My dance classes just make me feel young and extra cool not withstanding the buckets I sweat out. Paco has been eating healthier and we do yoga poses at home together. His eagle pose is hilarious! P just cracks me up! He also rides his bike in the park and plays in the playground while I do yoga on the weekends. Even my little boy has an active weekend lifestyle. I’m glad he gets to play out rather than his usual weekend TV veg-ing.

I like the new me and I will make an effort to keep this healthy lifestyle. It’s not easy and sticking to a routine can be a challenge but I know the health benefits are worth investing on. Until my next mommy abs update... stay healthy! 

Serendipity of the Car Wash Kind

It’s another desolate Paco-free Sunday. I woke up at 6am to missed calls and text messages from the couple I was supposed to meet Saturday night. Oof! I fell asleep!!! Ugh. SORRY Nyel and Val. This old lady who feels lethargic after 8pm will make it up to you…promise.

After kicking myself for being such a flaker –an unintentional one – but a flaker nonetheless, I did my morning lime and coconut ritual and got ready for church. I went with my Mama Lyn (my beloved yaya) and P’s yaya and was deeply blessed by the pastor’s sermon --‘The Joy in Freedom.’ One of the analogies he used was marriage and narrated how a woman can feel trapped in a bad marriage. Sigh. That’s exactly how I felt back then – TRAPPED. I don’t want to go into the details as this might not be smart for my annulment but I realized that the reason why my view of marriage is so negative is because mine was a stifling cage. It’s sad, but it’s true. P’s dad wasn’t a wife beater or a cheat. No. He was not. He's a decent man but our relationship was one you could easily call unhealthy. I know I’m going to get into a lot of trouble for saying that but it’s true. I’m a bit scared now but Dr. Johnson's words ring loudly in my ear... "What would you do if you weren't afraid?" 

It’s over, although not entirely, but the freedom I am experiencing now is enough to let my heart and spirit breathe. I am alive again and for that, I am truly grateful. Freedom is underrated and madly overlooked...until you lose it. My wish for my friends who are about to get married and to you, dear reader, whatever your situation may be, may you live in freedom and love. And may you seriously ponder over the idea of spending forever with your special someone -- a gazillion times over -- before you tie the knot. It really is no joke and that is NOT just a line people use to scare you. It’s freakin’ real. Trust me.

So anyhow, I made myself a quick lunch of brown rice and vegetables after church. I have been eating healthy the past week and my tummy is a lot trimmer now. YAY!!! Since it was still a bit early for my 3pm yoga practice, I decided it was time to give Puto (yes, I named my car) a much-needed wash. There was a queue at the nearby carwash but one of the attendants ushered me into their air conditioned waiting lounge. Nice! There were 2 other guys in the lounge, one was having a meal (the lounge served bagnet and vigan longganisa – YUM) and the other, older gentleman was busy texting on his phone. I chose the table nearest the window and away from the two men. I brought my laptop out, ready to start blogging when I heard someone speak – and it sounded like he was talking to me. I thought it weird but I looked up nonetheless.

“Are you a student?”

It was the elderly gentleman asking me.

“I’m sorry, sir?”

“Are you a student?” he asked me again smiling.

“Oh no, sir. I’m not” I answered also with a smile.

“You look very young. You look 16,” he replied still smiling.

He was wearing shorts, a tshirt and a sling bag. He had thinning white hair and a friendly smile. He was, I later found out, 61 years old, has 4 grown kids and had just  lost his dear wife to cancer 5 months ago.

“I’m 35 years old and I have a 4-year old, sir.” I said correcting him nicely. I realized I did look 16 in my denim shorts, comfy 9-year old Team Manila tshirt, flip flops and ponytail.

“No! You’re lying!” He looked genuinely shocked. I was taken aback too. No one has ever called me a liar before. People would look shocked or make this puzzled face when I would correct them about my age but no one has ever blatantly said I was lying.  

“No…you’re not a liar but your face is. You look so young. Just like my 30 year old daughter. She also looks 16.” He quickly explained.

There was a pause and I smiled at him trying to assure him I wasn’t hurt by the lying comment.

“She’s getting married in January.” He added rather proudly.

That’s how our car wash conversation started.

Mr. R is a semi-retired educator from a prestigious university in the country. He told me the names of the senators and governors he taught. Even the president was in his high school class. He beamingly told me about his children, all grown up and making names for themselves. He showed me pictures of his beautiful family. He was such a sweet man. He told me about his dear wife too and how cancer took her life and how devastated he is now and how he misses her everyday.  He grabbed his phone and showed me a prayer he made for her while waiting for his car to get cleaned. He said he was typing it just before he started to converse with me (I thought he was texting!) It was a beautiful prayer.

“I talk to her everyday. I talk to her in my prayers. You know, Velvet, it’s very difficult. My eldest son sleeps in the room with me because I don’t want to be alone. It’s very difficult… but I’m coping.” He said struggling to smile.

I felt his pain. It was raw and real and strong -- too strong that even I can feel it – piercing gut-wrenching pain. I can feel my eyes starting to sting but I fight back the tears. I will not cry in a carwash.

This was the same grief, same pain, same struggle my dad went through nine years ago when my mom passed. I wanted to hug Mr. R and tell him things will get better in time and that his heart will heal. But we’re not a hugging culture so I just grabbed his hand and told him I understood his pain. I told him about my dad and how he was when my mom died and now, nine years later, he has a girlfriend and is extremely in love and happy. He said he’ll move on someday. I know in my heart that he will but it will be a long arduous journey.

He told me about his house and all the empty rooms he’s trying to renovate. Empty nest. That must suck. Empty nest experienced by a lone parent -- major joy-zapper. Paco must never marry. Sigh. I am kidding of course. Half-meant. 

We exchanged numbers and promised to meet for coffee one of these days. I quickly paid the bill and rushed to Makati to go to yoga practice as I was already running late. 

As I drove along EDSA – thank God traffic was particularly light – I play back Mr R’s words. He was a broken man struggling to keep it together. I say a short prayer for him and his children.

Two hours later, as I shower after yoga practice my thoughts run back to Mr. R. This was a man who loved true and deeply. I think back on all the relationships I had. As the tepid water washes the soap suds away from my body, it hits me. No, I haven’t loved as much and as deeply as he had. Not one of the eight relationships I had in the past, not once did I truly love the way Mr. R loved his wife. That’s just sad and unfair. Yes, I was unfair – unfair to all 8 of my exes including the one I married. Sigh. True love shouldn't end. True love doesn't end.

But how will you know if love is real?

Will you ever know?

I adjust the water temperature. I need to wake myself up from this revelry. As the cold water hits my spine, I instantly snap out of my emo-filled musings. I quickly dress and call my friend Hannah for a last-minute food recharge. We agree to meet up for an early dinner. I grab a banana from a nearby 711 and I wait for Hannah to text me. As a bide my time watching the empty streets of Paseo de Roxas, the day’s learnings disturb my furiously active brain. The love Mr. R had for his wife… that’s the kind of love marriage should be built on. If only people who married loved as he did, then maybe married people can live in peace and happiness. They wouldn’t feel trapped. In fact the loss of the partner would be devastating and not liberating. Oops, that didn’t sound right. I’m not saying that all married people live in tyranny and grief – maybe a handful don’t – yes, a handful…okay… it can be a pretty big hand. But anyhow, Mr R’s love – I’ll call it the 'car wash love' (okay it's corny but I'm claiming a trump card of literary sarcastic indulgence) – is the kind that happy blissful marriages have. The kind that transcends life and death. 

I wonder how Mr. R met the wife? 

What was their married life like? 

How long did they date before they tied the knot?

I check my phone and was pleasantly surprised to see that Mr. R has sent me a message.

“Hi, Velvet. Glad to have met somebody nice today. I know you are quite busy because of the nature of your work. Just the same, to reiterate what I told you earlier, when you have free time let’s get together for a cup of coffee. Bring your daughter along.”

I should’ve showed him P’s photo. He’ll get to meet my SON soon anyway. I check my calendar -- full except for Thursday. Cool! I’m going to find out more about the secret to ‘car wash love’ in 4 days. I can't wait. 

My 365-Day Journey to Mommy Abs - Part 1

I am a committed part-time gym rat...if there is such a thing. My goal, since time immemorial, has been to get washboard abs. Not just a flat tummy but nice sexy 4-6 pack abs. If you saw my filofax back during my university days, it would be filled with colourful scribbles of exam dates, list of homework and the number of crunches I did per day. Yep, I was obsessed. I would do 4 sets of 25 regular, oblique and reverse crunches on a normal day and would do twice as much on a good day. I had a lot of good days back then hence the small waist line and tight tummy. It helped that my dad got me a lifetime gym membership 18 years ago. I took advantage of this membership like a teenage boy would waste away in front of the TV upon discovering it had free porn. It was my choice of drug and I was hooked. The gym was my home away from home. After university and after getting a job with a decent monthly pay check, I got myself a personal trainer. Her name was Princess and she was like my BFF. I LOVED going to the gym. It was my happy place. Two personal trainers later, I met Mike and I have been working with him at least a couple of years before I had P. I would run, play badminton, go hiking or diving on the weekends or some activity that would involve me breaking a sweat...when school work permitted it (I was taking my Masters in Early Childhood Education then too). I was always out and about like a chipmunk on steroids. Sleep got in the way of living life to the fullest so I kept it at a minimum -- 3-4 hours a day on weekdays (Eep... BAD). I had a decent tummy back then. Decent enough that I can wear mid-rib baring tops confidently...rarely did but just knowing that I could gave me comfort. Sigh. Those were the days of my yonder youth... the year 10 BC -- Before Chocolate. Sigh.

Fast forward. I say hello to an enormous belly brought about by a wonderful and healthy pregnancy. I was obsessed about doing my first pregnancy right. Read books, googled 'HEALTHY PREGNANCY' way too often I think I read every internet article available online, and journaled my 9 months of belly bliss away. I ate right, gained the right amount of weight, took lamaze classes and even considered an all-natural, drug-free delivery. Then the unexpected happened. After 13 hours of labor and an unresponsive baby, I was due for a much-dreaded C-section. Ouch! Goodbye deep breathing exercises. Goodbye birth plan. Goodbye abs.

As if cutting me open wasn't enough, add a notorious mix of age (noticeable bodily changes happened when I hit 30 -- I think), a slower (much slower) metabolism (goodbye double rice), a hectic schedule of work and mommy duties AND a new-found love for sweets. I was so ready to bid adieu to my dream of having sexy abs... then this blog happened. My Sarcastic Journal of Sorts. After some gentle coaxing from some friends (my number one cheerleaders) and a healthy ingestion of alcohol-laced cocktails one rainy afternoon, the crazy idea of a mommy's journey to getting sexy Anne Curtis abs was born.

My inspiration -- Anne Curtis abs
If you think this is photoshopped -- check out the next photo.

This girl really works out and her abs are amazing!

The BIG QUESTION a.k.a. V's Monster-of-a-Challenge : Can a working 35 year-old single mother get Anne Curtis abs if she works out religiously and watches what she eats in 365 days? Let's see.

I started Project Mommy Abs last July 9, 2014. These were my stats:
Age: 35 years old
Height: 4 feet 11 3/4 inches (they won't let me round this off to 5 feet. Trust me, I tried...twice. Both times they said NO. Jerks!)
Weight: 39.1 kilos
Fat Percentage: 19.8%
Body Mass Index: 17.1

I went to the gym 3 times a week and would do 45-minutes of free weights with a personal trainer, did 30 minutes to an hour of cardio (either on a treadmill or a dance class) and I ate like a famished mad man every day and had a wonderful month-long adventure discovering all the restaurants along the gastronomic foodie strip called Jupiter. *face palm* The results after 26 days... I gained 4 pounds and my tummy is nowhere near (think Manila to Switzerland) Anne Curtis' abs. *I am screaming into my pillow now* My trainer promised to get my fat percentage and Body Mass Index on Wednesday so I'm bracing myself. Ugh. I failed. But no regrets... I had an amazing time discovering the best restos near my office and bonding over hour-long lunch breaks with my BFF:

• the mini chocolate croissants (and the dark chocolate bun) from the Yamato Bakery along Jupiter are truly drool-worthy

  

  Mishy captured my choco-famished-and-ready-to-attack face. Lol 

• the dark chocolate, lindt (dark chocolate) chilli and the Ferrero Rondoir (dark chocolate ferrero) gelato from Chocolatier are bowl-licking good and will send your troubles to the moon

• Frey's dark lemon and pepper is the best candy bar in the WORLD!!! Bought this from Chocolatier in Jupiter Street. Yep, the same restaurant that serves the world's best dark chocolate gelato.  
  
  
  
• Pino restaurant has the best Kare-Kareng Bagnet. Sorry, no photos. Mishy and I wiped the dish out before I had the sense to take my camera phone out of my bag. It was amazing!!! I also enjoyed their quinoa roll...THIS dish was healthy **beaming**
• Hatch 22's The Full Monty is a hearty breakfast even when shared. Just make sure you order 'The Morning After' for dessert... *ayayayayay*

  

  The Morning After -- split in two for weight-watching BFFs... NOT! Lol
  Chocolate chip waffle (we didn't see chocolate chips though), candied bacon and Nutella maple syrup

  

  Half a serving of the Full Monty
  Sunny side up, pork sausages, smoked bacon, mushrooms, baked beans, grilled tomatoes, toasted focaccia

• Razon's halo-halo is the best non-chocolate dessert along the Jupiter strip.
• I have yet to try the Burger Project. I will soon -- everyone deserves a red-meat cheat day

I should stop, I'm getting hungry.

So anyhow, I AM making a change. I must make a change if I want to stop my gut from growing. I WILL start eating healthier this week. I bought more fruits and veggies, started cooking my own food and will bring my meals to the office so I can cut down on eating out. It's a lot more work as I need to cook my meals in advance but I know going the extra healthy mile will bring me closer to my immediate goal -- a flat tummy. No, not the Anne Curtis Abs just yet... just a flatter tummy this time. I'm giving myself a month to trim my belly down. I have also started doing yoga and I plan to go everyday or at least five times a week. I know I can do this on top of my REAL priorities, which are... 

• to spend an hour of book reading and writing exercises with Paco after school
• 30 minutes of homework time everyday 
• an hour of dinner and fun Mommy-and-P time with him every night before I go to bed. 

P's First-Day-of-School outfit. Tee-hee

Awww...isn't he just the cutest little heartthrob?
Sorry, mommy-gushing moment...

Thing is, I go to bed earlier than P since I need to be up by 2am everyday. My son actually tucks me in every work night... unconventional I know, but it works for us. I'll blog about that soon.

So there... the cat's finally out of the bag. I figured posting the challenge will amp me up to REALLY work it. My first 26 days may have been a dud but this is a temporary slump. At least now I know where to eat during my cheat days. Just kidding. Half-meant. Of course a foodie on a diet needs a weekly cheat day! Right, Mish? *wink wink* The Burger Project Date soon, love!

My biggest win so far is teaching my little P to eat healthier. I have been cooking my veggie dishes the past 2 days and have been eating oatmeal and stewed apples for breakfast too. Curious P ventured and courageously decided to take a few bites from mommy's plate. Surprisingly, he enjoyed them and asked for more! He is now a certified stir-fried bok choy eater and enjoys mommy's oatmeal with cooked spiced apples (he used to hate oatmeal). Yipee! 

Yogini's breakfast -- oats with steamed milk and cooked apples
(added ground cinnamon and nutmeg)

Started snacking healthy too. I grab a banana or an apple when I feel the munchies and one of my favourite Sun Life clients, Dudz, gave me roasted cashew nuts and almonds as a treat over the weekend. Yes to healthier, organic snacks! It is indeed the smart-er choice. Check them out on Facebook.com/smartchoiceph.

I'm on my 6th coffee-free day too. I'm past the zombie-in-the-morning stage and I'm in the give-me-black-tea-or-I'll-snap stage now. And like my tummy situation... I know it'll get better in time. Oh yes, I've started snacking on POSITIVITY too. Does wonders. Plus it's calorie-free and doesn't cost a cent. I encourage you to try it sometime. Might change your life. It's reshaping my life now... and it's looking pretty sexy if you ask me. Well, happiness is sexy, right? :)